The myth of the perfect baby

Fabulous Freddy and the Freak brothers taught me that cats get it on like people and everyone farts and sometimes it makes the sound "pruit". I'm freaking the fuck out folks.  I sold the house.  The first buyer flaked right on out and tucked tale but all is well with that because two things...I had more offers waiting, and his wasn't the highest offer.  Why didn't I take the high one first you ask (except I know you didn't)?  Because that fucker was going to rent me my own house for a month so I didn't have to move in a hurry. Now I have to move in a hurry.  Escrow was supposed to close tomorrow.  It's been uh...postponed.  Because I'm dumb and have no goddamned clue what in the sam hell I'm doing.  No really, I don't.  All while this is going on, my daughter's gallbladder almost exploded inside of her, someone took it upon themselves to call animal control who in turn called adult protective services and child protective services